Well,...here it is a week later...and it does seem like the "self- medicating for the dizziness" just might be doing the trick...I've been taking CalsiumCitrate,( rather than the Omeprazol I had been on for acid reflux) for over  12 days now...and the dizziness/equalibrium problem definately is finally going away....

  I wish the "other problem" was straightening out...however, it doesn't appear that I am back "alive" yet...I went back to the VA on Tuesday,...and still show up as "deceased" on their computers...sigh...now I can't get my meds on line...set up any appointments with my Doc,...nor, get even any "services" when I do a "walk in" at my clinic...I went down to the Patient Advocate office and we attempted to straighten things out...seems the "notice of my death" came out of the Regional Office in Phoenix, and is "somehow tied in with something" that came down from the Puget Sound VA in Seattle...this office is trying to get "whatever" it is, sent down from Seattle VA so they can get a look at it...might take a few weeks yet, I've been told...

meantime,...this ol' Fart is trying to get back to work...got a couple of painting commissions to get done...and a couple of sign jobs to get started ...also have a couple wall mural projects to get off my azz and get going on...I definately won't "starve" here, however, my need to "jack this up" does cause me some "wonderments" as to my physical capabilities right now...thank the gods, the dizziness is subsiding!...I'm gonna give it a few more days before I attempt to climb a ladder, or get back on a scaffold again...

not a very "Christmasie" mood happening around ol' Lizard Flatz right now...I'm feeling kinda depressed about this sht...am very short on cash and low on food...and having a difficult time dragging my mind out of the gutter of self-pity and feelings of "no control over my life"...despite also knowing that..."hey! I Do Have Control!...if...IF... I can just get MY sht back together here, and get it done.

Got friends dropping by and trying to "lighten the mood"... and inviting me to join them for Holiday season gatherings...but I'm not really up to it...don't want my "dark mood" to in any way hamper their high spirits... Hell, I don't even feel like a few brews...I can't even shake the "sour attitude" with booze (tried that already)...it only seems to intense-ify the "angers" of it all...so...I'm staying away from "friends and happys" for right now.

I started a new commission painting 3 days ago,...been pouring myself into it. ..when working,.. I can "block out" all thoughts of other sht and just focus on the "here and now" on the easel in front of me...(probably "why" I love painting so damned much)...Yesterday, another guy came over from Tucson, and handed me a down payment for doing him a commission piece that he and I had talked about last Summer...that's nice!...seems that God is actually "throwing me ropes" right now, with which to go ahead and pull myself out of this down-turn with...if I but see them, and then, do it... I "Thank You, God!"

One great thing that I've come to notice about life...it is Always changing....the sht never stays forever...like the cloudy storm sky...stick around and the sun will come back out...ya just gotta have patience...and wait it out....I'm still not as "good at patience" sometimes, as I should be...hee hee...

Ya'll try and hav a Great Day!...ya hear?

PS...Tony!...I bought a Magic Jack ta try and call you with over this computer, however, my bandwidth isn't fast enough...be patient, Dude, I'm working on it...meantime, you,Mindy, and da "lil Man", have a Great Christmas!, okay?...I'll get with ya after the 1st of the new year!