Totally "Crazy" of late...Familiar sht ..not so familiar...everything a small "twist"...or...just a tad..."off" kilter..."weird"...yet, familiar...but...at the same time,..."not"...

I fell down, in the shop, a few weeks back...paint fumes were heavy that night,,,,I can't "smell" them anymore (burned my nostrils out years ago) ...anyway, fell down and smacked the back of my head on the cement floor...got up, thinking, "hmmm...gotta get out of here"...staggered to the door, lost my footing and went down again,...smacking the back of my head on the doorjam on the way....

...crawled to ol' Wanderwolf and went to sleep...awoke the next day, and couldn't raise up...let alone get out of bed....everything would "swim around" and make me nasious... puked big time a few times...fell back asleep...Urgh!

Took 3 days before I could stand up again....when I did, it was only for a few moments at a time...then I'd get "swirly"...and then sick again...this sht has been going on for over 3 weeks now.

I feel like I'm in some sort of "bubble" inside my body..."connected", but then again, not connected with it...it moves, does what I want it to do, but, somehow, there is a "pause",...an "off balance" to everything at the same time...and it quite literally, makes me "ill"...almost nascious...kinda like sea sickness...or a "hangover" that refuses to go away....my "equalibrium" is all fcked up.and just won't straighten out...

...and "other weird sht" keeps happening in the world around me...sht that questions the whole "reality" of what I see, feel, or even do anymore....it's starting to "worry" this ol' Fart a little...am I going "insane"?...I'm starting to question the fact....

Day before yesterday, a letter came in the mail...addressed to the "representative of Michael Baker's estate"...from the Dept. of Veteran's Administration...informing me of their condolences over my demise...uh, whadafck?...also, it informed me that they were going to "freeze" my bank account and "re-claim" any funds paid out during the past month of my life due to the fact that I hadn't "earned" them somehow (I'm assuming because I hadn't "made it" through the whole month in question?)...insane.....

so...with yesterday being Sunday, of course, there was no place open that I could call and attempt to straighten this sht out...I got to thinking...awwsht!...they're gonna "freeze my account?"...so, I went to the nearest ATM just to see if I could grab some cash (with which to make it thru until this sht gets fixed back right)...no problem, it let me grab 200 bills out, which I then reached into my pocket to put with the 3- 20's that I already "knew" that I had in there...uh,..."where'd those 3-20's go?"

right, somewhere along the way, yesterday...I "somehow" managed to lose $60 in cash that I'd had in my pocket...I haven't "lost" cash outa my pocket in years...damn!

I'm wandering around in a strange kinda "fog"...I'm watching everything going on around me...I'm "interacting" with it...yet,...somehow...I'm not feeling really "connected with it" at all...it's weird...

and tonight, I get on the internet...and sht is weird...sites that I "know" and have been using for years...are "tweeked" and "different looking"...still "themselves"...uh, but "not"... at the same time...My preceptions of "reality" seem to be "shifting" somehow...hmmmm...am I , in some way....going insane here?

I'm tired of the "dizziness" and dis-orientation going on...I'm tired of the "dis-attached" feeling happening...something is definately "wrong"....

I am headed over to Tucson, and the VA hospital, tomorrow...to see if they can help me figure out just whadafck is going on....it's really kinda starting to get me "spooked" now...I'm wandering around in a daze...not really feeling "in control" at all anymore...not of my body...nor the world around me...I have a strange "foreboding" starting to grow...that "this" is some kinda Alsheimers. or something coming on that I might just end up "stuck in" for the rest of my life...

...too fckin' scary, man....don't wanna "be here"..

PS...wrote this AFTER midnight...don't have any idea "why" it is saying that I wrote it at 10:30 on Sunday evening...like I said, "my world is acting "weird" right now"....sheesh!